An AFEPI Ireland collaboration

As editors we spend hours scrutinising the text of writers from all walks of life, whether first-time authors, academic scribes, business journalists or non-native English-speaking writers to name just a few. It is intense work, but one thing that provides light relief for all editors is the typo – not just any error, but the best mismatch that brings an unexpected smile, or in some cases a roaring guffaw. A moment of mirth is quickly replaced by an overwhelming sense of relief that such a tragicomic typo was caught and amended prior to publication. AFEPI Ireland members were asked to contribute their favourite examples of the well-misplaced letter or word. To close out AFEPI Ireland’s series of 2022 blogs, here’s a merry selection of malapropisms to highlight the humorous side of editing…

‘He had an outer body experience.’
Astral projection it was not.

‘The pubic advisory told people to stay indoors.’
Oh dear…

‘Her appearance was a crumbled mess.’
More crumbs than wrinkles.

‘The brassiere was bursting full of midnight revellers ringing in the new year.’
What would the neighbours think?!

‘She was hoovering between life and death.’
Confirms the view of housework as purgatory.

‘He shattered three vertebrates in his back.’
Overcrowding can be painful.

‘Wireworms can survive using hummus as their only food source.’ 
Who knew they were such hipsters.

‘Sediment is articulate matter.’
And what a tale it could tell.

In a business book, on consecutive pages: ‘Bed debits’ and ‘Bad Debs Account’, which must be related. ‘Minuets of the meetings’ sounded slightly more upstanding. 

‘I’ve pencilled you into the dairy for next week.’
Brings new meaning to going along with the herd. 

‘The correspondent proposing an offer to another party as a jester of goodwill.’
Guess it’s better when everyone sees the funny side…

‘When grating ginger, be sure to use the smallest hole on the garter…’
Cue: ‘All that Jazz’ from Chicago

There’s the ever-popular ‘W.B. Yeast‘ (which must help with the rising and going).

‘The islands were abandoned in the 1950s and are now uninhibited.’
Unsuppressed emptiness.

‘Tripe-glazed windows’
No doubt thermally efficient, but possibly slightly smelly – and dark.

‘The Church hangs on, performing baptisms and holy communisms…’
The intersection of religion and politics.

‘When the Vikings came to Ireland, they mascaraed the monks.’
They don’t call makeup ‘war paint’ for nothing.

‘The Book of Kells was written on valium.’
Giving new meaning to the term ‘illuminated manuscript’.

‘The news shed an endemic pulse throughout the diocese.’
The surprise of sending a shockwave.

‘Brushing your teeth gets rid of plague.’
If only they’d had toothbrushes in the 14th century.

‘They went through a depilatory period of inactivity.’
Presumably, they were tearing their hair out with boredom.

‘He was bold as a coot.’
A mischievous man by all appearances.

‘He had to eek out a living.’
The scary side of working.

Thank you to all the AFEPI Ireland members who contributed their favourite whoopsies, clinkers and howlers to this festive and funny blog. As we all put down our pens and push away from the keyboard and the computer screen for a well-deserved break, we wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Executive Committee